Then vs. Now: File Sharing
January 27, 2016
Millennials: Don’t Listen to the Critics, Enjoy the Journey
February 1, 2016
We get a little crazy when we group-Skype, so we thought, “Hey, let’s capture these great moments and put them on the web for four or five people to glance at and then leave.” But then, we had an even better idea: let’s review things. Thus, the first installment of Colocation America Reviews was born. Check back each Friday for more things you don’t care about that we review with authority.
Q.C.
This week, we’re here with Tony the Tiger as we discuss breakfast! Tony?
Samantha
I am so stoked – I love breakfast
Chris
Is that damn tiger in here yet?
Q.C.
I don’t want to be the one to say this, but I think we’re all thinking it. I think Tony is kind of a jerk.
Photo Credit: guff.com
Chris
Tony is like a super positive stage parent. Sure, he’s supportive, but deep down, you only know he’s pushing Frosted Flakes on you because his father never supported him in his breakfast ventures
Samantha
I don’t know enough cereal mascots to keep this going. Isn’t there like a bird and a vampire?
Chris
Sam, what other breakfast mascots do you remember? I’d like to hear more about your vague rememberings
Samantha
There are the dudes that live in the tree
Chris
Right
Samantha
Or is that cookies?
Q.C.
It’s both
Chris
Doesn’t matter, keep going. So we have the bird, the vampire, the tree people, and the tiger…
Samantha
Um. Well not counting cereal isn’t there the sunny guy?
Chris
Wait, what sunny guy?
Q.C.
The Raisin Bran guy?
Chris
The guy from the Sunny Delight commercial?
Q.C.
Two scoops?
Samantha
Isn’t there a like – “eat my breakfast sandwich,” sunny guy?
Q.C.
Oh him too
Photo Credits (top to bottom, left to right): ispot.tv, ytmnd.com, theflannelaxe.com
Chris
That sounds aggressive. You know, experts say the most important part of your day is getting yelled at while eating breakfast by an aggressive sun-person.
Samantha
Aren’t there the knock off brands too? Don’t they have their own mascots?
Chris
Yeah, bagged cereal for poor people
Q.C.
Crispy Hexagons is my favorite knock off
Photo Credit: tumblr.com
Samantha
Wait, it’s really Hexagons?
Samantha
Cereal is so expensive and not even close to the best breakfast food! Go – what is your favorite thing for breakfast?
Chris
Instead of Fruity Pebbles, they got things like Fruity Gravel. Cheerios are something bland like Toasted O’s
Samantha
And then there are the special edition ones too
Chris
Of bagged cereal? What high class low end supermarkets are you shopping at? Limited Edition Fruity Gravel!
Samantha
Oh, I guess not for bagged cereal but for the branded ones, yes
Q.C.
Favorite cereal is undoubtedly Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Followed closely by Reese’s Puffs and then Cap’n Crunch
Chris
Cinnamon Toast Crunch is up there. Even adults can see why kids love it–that’s the mark of a great cereal
Q.C.
Hahahaha absolutely
Chris
Same for Kix. Kid tested, mother approved. But it turns out, Kix tastes like sawdust
Samantha
So the oatmeal peeps came out with a brown sugar oatmeal cereal that I like
Q.C.
Quaker?
Photo Credit: dailymail.co.uk
Samantha
YEAH!
Q.C.
Little known fact: Oatmeal was invented in Pennsylvania (source needed) by the Quakers
Samantha
Is that the only thing invented in PA?
Q.C.
We also invented the slinky and Heinz Ketchup
Chris
Ugh, don’t get me started on that Quaker fella. I had a run-in with some Quakers back in 2006, soured me on oatmeal completely
Q.C.
Hahaha oh, god. What happened? They can get really territorial
Chris
I don’t want to talk about it. It involved one of their horse and buggies, and a misunderstanding
Q.C.
I gotcha
Samantha
Rough life growing up in PA
Chris
Turns out, you can’t just keep asking if they’ll build you a barn. Mainly because that’s the Amish, and the Quakers DO NOT like the Amish.
Samantha
I’m guessing you were not planning to keep a horse in there
Chris
Anyways, back to oatmeal
Q.C.
Yeah I wondered where you were going with this
Samantha
Me too.
Q.C.
Oatmeal is delicious if you mix some peanut butter in with it; tastes like a cookie
Chris
It’s a total complimentary breakfast food though. Oatmeal and something else
Q.C.
I think it can stand alone
Chris
Get out of here you Quaker POS
Samantha
Is it better more solid or liquidy?
Q.C.
If you put a banana, some crasins, peanut butter, protein powder, etc. it can be really great.
Chris
Crasins? Ugh. God’s abomination of the fruit world
Q.C.
Hahaha I enjoy Craisins
Samantha
When are you putting protein powder in your breakfast?
Chris
He’s trying to get those gains, bruh. It’s all about cultivating mass
Samantha
No joke though, I have legit seen grown men fight over protein powder
Q.C.
Well there was a time in my life when I lifted. That time has passed and it has since turned to mush and sadness. But protein powder was involved
Samantha
Is that what happens to muscle mass it turns into sadness?
Chris
BroZilla puts protein powder into his everything.
Samantha
[Insert link here: shameless promotion for BroZilla who is really just Hancock]
Q.C.
Anyways, we should get back to breakfast
Samantha
And like to real breakfast? The good stuff?
Q.C.
Sure. Favorite mainstream breakfast joint, go! Obviously IHOP. Followed by Taco Bell. That AM Crunchwrap is absolutely not to be joked about
Samantha
Umm Denny’s. What’s in that AM Crunchwrap from Taco Bell?
Q.C.
Meat, eggs, hash brown, cheese. So good
Chris
Denny’s takes the cake. Grand Slam breakfast?! Moon’s over My-Hammy?! It’s great.
Photo Credit: dennys.com
Samantha
Ok but do you have a favorite place in the world for breakfast?
Chris
Ever?
Samantha
Ever
Q.C.
My grandma’s house. I haven’t been anywhere that comes close to my grandma’s breakfast
Chris
Pamela’s in Pittsburgh. Or Gab N Eat in Carnegie (suburb of Pittsburgh), where the standard, individual breakfast is enough to feed the whole table. For like…$6.
Samantha
Wow – that is awesome!
Q.C.
Chris, have you had the King’s Country Breakfast? Talk about getting rid of a hangover
Chris
Mmmmm…Country biscuits and gravy
Q.C.
The KCB is legendary. Cracker Barrel is pretty damn good too
Samantha
But you realize that our breakfast in America is not like “The Breakfast” of other countries?
Chris
THIS IS AMERICA
Samantha
Most egocentric American’s do not realize that
Q.C.
Sam–what are you getting at here?
Chris
I don’t give a damn if the UK adds beans, roasted tomatoes, blood sausage and other stuff
Samantha
The reason I bring this up is because I missed the American Breakfast when I was in England
Q.C.
If I wanted to eat, I’d go for some of these
Click on the Photo above for More Images of Breakfasts around the World
Chris
All of those look phenomenal and delicious
Q.C.
The vegemite is a little strange. Of course they probably can’t read labels because they’re upside-down in Australia. So, how do you guys like your eggs?
Samantha
With a meal or by themselves? Very different question
Q.C.
This topic seems dear to you, so let’s say with a meal. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten eggs by themselves (maybe hard boiled)
Samantha
Ok, eggs first, I love them in an omelet
Chris
Sunny side up
Q.C.
I enjoy them over hard
Chris
Yeah you do. What about fertilized? Heyooooo, am I right, guys? Guys? Hello?
Q.C.
Heh. I don’t get it.
Samantha
Let’s talk Potatoes – they are all about home fries/breakfast potatoes – non shredded (although there is something about McDonald’s hash browns)
Q.C.
Mmmm I never met a potato I didn’t like
Chris
I’m starting to come around on the idea of hash browns. I haven’t made them myself yet, but I’m willing to try
Samantha
I cannot cook them to save my life. Frozen hash browns are the hardest
Chris
I’ve usually been a home fries guy out of pure simplicity
Q.C.
I’ve made my own hash browns, they’re pretty easy and even the ones from Trader Joe’s fry up nicely
Chris
I’ll have to give them a whirl. First, I gotta get a potato…shredder?
Q.C.
Cheese grater works
Chris
Grater. That’s what I was looking for
Q.C.
There it is
Chris
There’s a place near my apartment that puts the hash browns inside the breakfast burrito like an upscale, less bathroom-inducing Taco Bell.
Q.C.
Yes. I’ve always put fried potatoes inside sandwiches, like if I’m eating a sandwich and it’s served with fries, I’ll put the fries in the sandwich
Samantha
The best of all worlds!
Chris
Well, that’s just the Pittsburgh in you. We put fries on everything
Q.C.
Yes, so good. People who don’t do that are just silly people and they should be placed into some kind of camp to rehabilitate
Chris
There’s two types of people in this world: people who put French fries on everything, and then people who shouldn’t be allowed to vote.
Q.C.
Exactly. Well, this reviews is kind of a dud, huh? Let’s spice it up a little. Waffles or Pancakes?
Chris
Pancakes
Samantha
Pancakes
Q.C.
Pancakes, too. Well that wasn’t fun
Undisputed Champion of the Breakfast Batters.
Chris
Although, waffles aren’t bad when you get some butter stuck in the crevices. You get little syrupy butter wells
Samantha
Awkwardly, I always tend to try and make pancakes under the influence of something, haha
Chris
That seems like too convoluted of a recipe to make when you’re whacked out of your mind. I wouldn’t want to have to measure and mix stuff while I’m high
Q.C.
Right. Waffles are good, but only if there aren’t any pancakes around
Samantha
Bacon vs sausage?
Q.C.
Bacon. Get out of here with that question
Chris
This is gonna be blasphemy, but…sausage
Samantha
Sausage is better
Q.C.
I don’t believe you guys
Samantha
Turkey sausage
Q.C.
Gun to your head, there’s a plate of sizzling bacon or a plate of sausage. You have to eat what you want more and if you don’t (this is a truth sensing gun) it shoots you
Chris
Sausage
Samantha
Sausage
Q.C.
Well, I don’t know why I even work here now
Samantha
We don’t either.
Chris
Bacon is nice, but it’s a pain in the ass to cook, and everyone’s going a little crazy with the bacon hype
Q.C.
That makes it less delicious?
Samantha
Have you ever had chicken apple sausage in your breakfast?
Q.C.
You know what, I actually have and it was quite delightful
Chris
No, it makes it more annoying. I don’t need bacon lip balm. You don’t see sausage getting all high and mighty by being in other products
Q.C.
Hahahahahaha
Chris
Sausage knows its lane and sticks to it. It’s the King of Breakfast Meats. Bacon is out there trying to get movie deals and stuff, and completely forgot where it came from
Photo Credit: chefkristina.com
Q.C.
I agree with that, but that doesn’t make a lick of difference in the taste of a few strips of perfectly cooked and smoked bacon
Chris
Bacon needs to remember it started as an OPTION, not the default. Bacon or sausage or ham—that’s what it says on all the menus! Not just bacon. It’s an ensemble, not a star.
Q.C.
Hahahahaha
Samantha
I fear we have lost all our fan base (if we ever had one) by this conversation on bacon
Chris
No we didn’t. HI SPICEWORKS.
Q.C.
I can’t believe you guys. We need a larger voting base.
Chris
I’m laying out a pretty solid case for sausage over here
Samantha
I think everyone is just too afraid to not be Team Bacon
Q.C.
Your case is ridiculous. Nothing about it had anything to do with taste, which is still supreme
Chris
Sausage allows for much different variety too. Spices, mixes, etc. Bacon is just bacon.
Q.C.
However, sawmill gravy is legit. Wouldn’t be good without the sausage
Chris
I’ve tasted regular bacon and I’ve had that expensive center cut. It all tastes the same to BroZilla
Samantha
Q – at your wedding, can you have a bacon station?
Q.C.
Hahahahahahha
Chris
Yo, you should get a sausage waterfall for your wedding. A sausage gravy fountain or something. With biscuits to dip in!
Samantha
It can make the sausage in front of your eyes!
Chris
Sam’s onto something here. Get a sausage maker to come and make sausage at your wedding. That’s the gift that keeps giving.
Q.C.
I’m down for a sausage fountain making gravy at my wedding. In fact, now I’ll be disappointed if there isn’t
Chris
Sure, you’ll have a lifetime of happiness and companionship with your lover and best friend to look forward to. But think of the sausage!
Q.C.
She understands her place in my life
Samantha
Your whole wedding reception would smell of sausage and bacon
Chris
Best smelling wedding ever
Q.C.
Food > Steelers > Finance
Samantha
Finance?
Q.C.
Yes, and then fiancé.
Samantha
Ok, I was wondering where she was in the scale
Chris
Food> Steelers > Finance > Fiancé
Q.C.
Right. After my finances, clearly
Chris
Got it
Samantha
And now CLA Reviews has broken up a wedding
Q.C.
What’s the problem? She knows this. I have it up on the whiteboard to remind her and she stares at that and wonders how she can move in front of my finances. But she hasn’t been able to break through in 4 years, which is a little sad; I can’t respect someone like that. I’m going to stop talking now
Samantha
Yeah, you should
Chris
Tell her to keep her head up, she’ll get there eventually
Q.C.
I hope.
Chris
Ok, last question: favorite breakfast and why?
Q.C.
Favorite breakfast food is fried potatoes cooked in bacon grease with scrambled eggs poured over top with mounds of bacon for a side
Chris
That’s a hell of an order
Q.C.
#Grandma’sBreakfast
Chris
Shout out to Q’s GramGram! Sam–favorite breakfast food and why?
Samantha
I would have to go with a cheese, spinach, and turkey sausage omelet with potatoes on the side! It’s everything that is amazing on one plate.
Chris
Healthy, filling, and delicious
Q.C.
Just some raw, unpeeled potatoes?
Photo Credit: moreinterest.org
Chris
She eats extremely organic. Doesn’t even wash the potato off
Q.C.
I’ll say. I’m not here to judge, but…
Samantha
Well my sister makes the best breakfast potatoes if we are doing family shoutouts
Chris
Shoutout to Sam’s sister!
Q.C.
And now yours, Chris?
Chris
The souls of my enemies. We’ll see you next time! Happy National Breakfast Week!
Again, we never really got around to reviewing breakfast, but as shown by our enthusiasm, we give it two forks up. Remember: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day to get yelled at during by an angry sun mascot!
