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Chris
Awwwwwww, yeah! We back again! Welcome to CLA Reviews: Toys!
Q.C.
My favorite toy: **VERY NSFW**
Chris
Drilldo?
Samantha
That is concerning….
Q.C.
If you watch the Naked Gun movies, it’ll all become clear.
Chris
Plus, you get to watch OJ!
Samantha
But hold up—is that really your favorite toy? No judgment.
Q.C.
I’m not going to say it’s not—but, no.
Chris
Private lives are private for a reason, Sam!
Q.C.
What I do with a gas-powered sex toy in my free time is between me and that gas-powered sex toy!
Samantha
Oh well then I won’t tell you about how I play with my favorite toy! A slinky….
Chris
If he wants to hook up a rubber penis to a solid 3/8″ Black & Decker drill, then that’s his—and his partners genitals—business.
Samantha
Ouch.
Q.C.
I only use Black & Decker for a reason.
Chris
Bob Vila said so.
Photo Caption: richestcelebrities.org
Samantha
At least you buy quality.
Q.C.
Rrrrrrright…quality—that’s totally what I meant….Anyways, TOYS!
Chris
TOYS!
Q.C.
What’s was your favorite toy growing up?
Chris
It’s LEGOs for everyone, right? Review over?
Photo Credit: wikipedia.org
Samantha
Duh! I also dug Hot Wheels.
Chris
Can anything compare to LEGO? Lincoln Logs were pretty dope too.
Samantha
But LEGO has endless possibilities.
Q.C.
I had this open-slide truck that I used put under my chest and propel along the floor with my legs—that was pretty awesome. But LEGO is/was/will be king of all toys.
Samantha
I had an awesome spaceship LEGO set.
Chris
My brother and I would spend hours creating small towns made of LEGO, and then we would have GI Joe fights in them. It was pretty epic.
Q.C.
Also 10/10 rating for the pain of stepping on one.
Chris
Amazing toy, amazing pain.
Q.C.
Did your parents ever try giving you mega blocks? I was so upset. THEY’RE NOT THE SAME!
Chris
Nah, we weren’t trash.
Samantha
Nope! I’m from LA—brands matter.
Q.C.
That’s fair. Guess a single mom trying to do right by her kids is frowned upon. Jerks.
Samantha
Only in LA
Q.C.
And by frowned upon, I mean frowned upon by me because she should know better.
Samantha
But I’m be honest – life was all about my Game Boy(s).
Q.C.
Oh hell yeah!
Chris
Oh man, the Game Boy was so incredible.
Samantha
Favorite original Game Boy game?
Q.C.
Pokemon, of course.
Chris
Tetris. No other game stands a chance.
Q.C.
I left my Game Boy outside once and my dad ran it over with the lawnmower. Still worked.
Chris
Those Game Boys are indestructible!
Samantha
That’s amazing! That new 3DS can’t do that. You guys remember Paperboy? It was impossible!
Q.C.
I totally forgot about Paperboy. Yesterday’s Dark Souls.
Samantha
But I have to go with Super Mario Bros.
Q.C.
A classic, for sure. Speaking of Pokemon and toys, my dad got me 3 packs of Pokemon cards for Christmas one year and two of them had a holographic Charizard in them. He acted like he knew that and was all proud of himself. It was pretty funny.
Photo Credit: youtube.com
Samantha
No joke—I still have my Pokemon cards.
Q.C.
Hahaha me too! And Yu-Gi-Oh. Good times, good times….
Chris
Woah, you guys played Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh? NERDS!
Q.C.
Sure did.
Samantha
Wow wow wow no, collected. I am a collector. I also have Beanie Babies.
Q.C.
Oh I have a s–t ton of them too. Biggest scam ever.
Chris
I think I was in that weird age range where it was understood if you were big into Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh, but otherwise nobody played it.
Q.C.
You mean “old.”
Chris
Yeah, that.
Samantha
What about Magic?
Chris
Nope
Q.C.
Oh, don’t even get me started….
Samantha
Magic is/was pretty awesome though.
Chris
I never got on the RPG card-game thing. Too much sitting around for me.
Q.C.
Sitting around is something I’m awfully good at—probably because I was surrounded by cattle and had little else to do other than occupy my mind.
Chris
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good lazy sesh, but I couldn’t get behind all the wizard-y magic-y stuff.
Samantha
Now do we consider the “computer” a toy?
Q.C.
That’s because you have a -2 drive skill
Chris
Also, I’ve never played it, so maybe I’m afraid I’d really love it
Q.C.
Hahahaha it’s definitely more complex than it seems. It’s also a money sink—all that mowing money went towards that. And I still wasn’t as good as Anthony DeGol and his moneybag parents!
Samantha
Bitter much?
Q.C.
Very. His parents funded him. The way I phrased that it sounds like they played. They didn’t.
Chris
Wait…is Anthony DeGol a famous Magic player or just a kid you knew?
Q.C.
He’s some kid I knew. His family owned a bunch of businesses in town and were very wealthy. He had all the good cards. He’s like a semi-pro golfer now, so I guess he got the last laugh.
Samantha
Is he single?!
Chris
No, Sam, he’s a semi-pro golfer…he’s swimming in women. Beating them away with his sand wedge.
Q.C.
http://www.gopsusports.com/sports/m-golf/mtt/degol_anthony00.html
Chris
Shout out to Anthony DeGol!
Samantha
All I want is a hole in one….
Chris
Woah, Sam…slow it down.
Samantha
Wow—I am talking about using a stick and a ball.
Q.C.
Hhahahahahahah. Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
Samantha
Hey—growing up, golf is still one of my favorite past times. And, yet, still no hole in one.
Chris
One day you’ll find the right, um…club
Q.C.
I also went to school with the Pennsylvania state golf champ, Sean Brannan. Shout out to all my golf friends!
Chris
Shout out to Tiger Woods as well. Still the greatest.
Q.C.
I went to high school with him as well, funny enough. He was not very good at Magic the Gathering, though.
Chris
Oh wow, your HS was a golf hub.
Q.C.
It was an internal conflict for him though, being half-black, half-Asian. Magic called to him, but he had sports stuff to do too.
Chris
I blame his dad.
Q.C.
He also banged every single girl at the school too, including the lunch ladies. Guy was a pimp from the start. Funny enough, my school’s mascot is a Tiger, which is where he got his famous nickname.
Samantha
Oh then I don’t want to share his clubs….
Chris
Back to toys! Did you guys ever succumb to the “hot new holiday craze?”
Q.C.
Pogs.
Samantha
Yo-yo.
Q.C.
Gigapets.
Samantha
Pogs are awesome!
Chris
I fell to the Karate Fighters craze.
Chris
Here’s another
Samantha
I don’t know those.
Chris
As a 10 year old at the time…HOLY SHIT THOSE WERE AWESOME. I spent hours playing with those.
Samantha
What did they do exactly?
Chris
They twisted and turned and “fought”. It was like a karate version of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots, another very good toy.
Samantha
Oh ok, totally cool then. Do you play with toys today??
Chris
I would play with LEGOs in a heartbeat. Regular toys, no—unless I’m hanging with my niece and then all bets are off. I will 100% do whatever that sweet little girl says.
Samantha
Go in my office and play with the toys in there—enjoy your younger years again.
Chris
Yeah, that slinky is a tough one to put down.
Samantha
I have a slinky, magic 8 ball, a bounce ball and more! I love slinkiess. Wait—can slinky be plural?
Chris
Yeah, Slinkies.
Q.C.
Guys, guess what?
Chris
What?
Q.C.
Slinkys are from my hometown.
Chris
Did they play golf for your high school?
Q.C.
Hahahaha nope.
Samantha
I clearly should move to your home town.
Q.C.
CLA Reviews Hollidaysburg, PA next week. There’s a place called Slinky Action Zone there too $5 laser tag.
Chris
Is the whole building made of Slinky?
Q.C.
The outside looks like this:
Photo Credit: slinkyactionzone.net (linked above)
Chris
If I was under 10 years old, I would definitely have my birthday party there.
Samantha
The new home of Samantha.
Chris
Sam, I have to warn you, besides the Slinky Action Zone and two semi-decent golfers, there’s not much else to do in Hollidaysburg.
Q.C.
I had a party there once, but it got too out of hand, too much soda. There’s Meadows frozen custard, which is pretty good. But yeah. Other than that, avoid that place.
Chris
Sam, maybe you can go by the Sock Hop on Friday nights. Ask a nice boy out to the Sadie Hawkins dance. And you can share a root beer float at Meadows Frozen Custard.
Q.C.
Also Chimney Rocks from the Oregon Trail is from Hollidaysburg too.
Chris
So historic. Did it play golf for your high school too?
Q.C.
So, basically, that’s abouuuuuuut it. Fun Fact: Hollidaysburg is where lives can be ruined too. Come visit!
Samantha
But it has “holiday” in the name….
Chris
Speaking of Oregon Trail—favorite computer game?
Q.C.
Old school?
Chris
Any?
Q.C.
Like from pre-2005?
Chris
Any.
Samantha
When I was a “kid”? Honestly, Sims.
Q.C.
Ohh damn.
Chris
Games count as toys.
Samantha
I was all about Sims Online. Wow—I swear this chat is going to ruin my love life.
Chris
It’s cool, you’re afraid of love anyways.
Samantha
(Shameless plug for last weeks review here). True—I also loved playing Oregon Trail.
Chris
My favorite computer game is… Odell Lake.
Samantha
Never heard of it! You get to be the fish?
Chris
Yep, any fish. You’re a fish in Odell Lake, Oregon, and you have to eat other fish, avoid otters, and avoid being caught by fishermen.
Q.C.
It’s quite possibly the most strategic game of its time.
Samantha
Like salmon or catfish?
Q.C.
Just play it. You’ll be instantly hooked.
Chris
Yeah, just play it.
Q.C.
You’ll probably move to Oregon.
Chris
What did you guys think of Tickle Me Elmo?
Q.C.
I don’t have an opinion. I tried to think of something witty. But I’ve got nothing—he’s maybe a little creepy? Not as creepy as a Furby, though.
Samantha
Definitely not as bad as Furbies.
Q.C.
Which, as well all know, were just governmental spy drones, collecting our voices
Chris
Furbies never blinked, and that’s what got me. It was the dead eyes. Oh, what about Tamogatchi?
Q.C.
I had a dinosaur one.
Samantha
Love Tamogatchi! I mean I think I killed them all the time.
Q.C.
Oh! And a Yoda one.
Chris
Mine never hatched, I don’t think. I killed it almost immediately.
Samantha
I was all about the dinosaurs.
Chris
What I’m trying to say is that I probably shouldn’t be a parent if I can’t keep a Tamogatchi alive.
Q.C.
That should be the test. At the first gynecological examination, they should make both parents try and keep a Tamogatchi alive.
Chris
Sam, did you play with Barbies at all?
Samantha
Ummm, no but I was the Barbie to my sister and her friends. I played sports and video games.
Chris
I had a massive amount of GI Joe’s, and wrestling action figures.
Q.C.
DBZ action figures here. Goku was my first man-crush.
Samantha
I didn’t even own jeans, I had the snap-off pants.
Q.C.
I’m man enough to admit that.
Chris
I also collected WWF wrestling figures. I had all of these:
Photo Credit: pinterest.com
Chris
And these:
Chris
These ones too:
Photo Credit: googglet.com
Samantha
Look at Hulk Hogan in that front row.
Chris
These too:
Photo Credit: pinterest.com
I did not play around when it came to collecting action figures.
Samantha
Have you seen GI Joes now? Their muscles are like 10x bigger now.
Chris
Yeah, they’re weird. Those little ones were the best; we would take yarn or string and set it up from the top of our stairs to the bottom and have them swing down. They were so light.
Q.C.
Hahaha you played with dolls while I was playing with pictures of monsters on cards.
Chris
Damn right.
Samantha
Did you blow them up like the kid in Toy Story did?
Chris
Nah, but I would color my wrestlers red with crayon when they would “bleed.”
Q.C.
‘Course ya did. That’s the American way!
Chris
IT’S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMMIT!
Q.C.
Anyways, I give toys a 10/10. They’re great
Samantha
Wait—am I the only one that spent their weekends traveling with sports?
Q.C.
Yes.
Chris
Yep.
Q.C.
I spent my weekends building sheds and roofing shingles, mowing grass, painting fences.
Samantha
Are you Huckleberry Finn?
Chris
Fun fact: my first practice on the first day of tee-ball, I walked off the field and told my mom I wanted to go home and play toys; right in the middle of practice.
Q.C.
Hahahahahaha!
Chris
I was in center field, just walked right out.
Samantha
So Q did labor, Chris played with dolls, and I played sports….
Q.C.
Right. “Labor….”
Samantha
And they say toys define gender roles….
Chris
ACTION FIGURES. I mean, I eventually went back and played sports, but I was much more content with my imagination.
Samantha
I guess I played more with balls then anything else growing up.
Q.C.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Samantha
Don’t worry, they were all different sizes.
Chris
That should be looked at by a doctor. 10/10 for TOYS! We love them!
That’s it for this week! Thanks for reading and we’ll see you again next time!
