Delta Doesn’t Want to Listen to the Guy Sitting Next to You Either

Delta wishes the guy next to you would shut up too.

So last month, the FCC moved to lift the ban on the use of electronics gate-to-gate for flights in the US.  Well, that motion passed, and now you can totally ignore that stupid pre-flight safety message that you’ve heard a gazillion times while you play Candy Crush.  You mean to tell me that the closest exit might be behind me?!  YA DON’T SAY.  Being able to use your device gate-to-gate brings up a new set of problems, like whether or not you can make or take phone calls during flights.  Well, Delta sees your concerns and has responded with a resounding NOPE when it comes to talking on the phone during flights.

Delta won’t allow calls on flights

This is a pretty valid concern; we’ve all seen that guy who looks like the living embodiment of BUSINESS yapping to “Mike” about “sales reports” and the “market” on his company-provided cell phone until literally the last minute before takeoff.  Nobody in the world besides “Mike” and BUSINESS want that conversation to continue, and Delta shares the public sentiment.  There’s no good that can come of people making calls on a plane–I once heard a guy talking on the phone at the gate say, “Everybody wants the money but nobody wants to do business.”  That guy shouldn’t be allowed to have a phone if you’re going to say dumb stuff like that, let alone get on a plane and continue the word vomit for 5 hours next to some unsuspecting chap.  I just got chills imagining a flight from LA to Vegas that allowed calls.  It’d be a non-stop barrage of girls screaming into their phones “WE’REGOINGTOVEGASOMGVEGAAAAAAASSSSSSCOMEOUTANDVISITITSVEGAAAAAASSSSVEGAS,” and dudes being all “BROVEGASBROVEGASVEGASBENCHPRESSIHAVETATTOOSTHATLOOKLIKEEVERYONEELSEVEGAS!”

I’m all for banning calls on a plane—I actually like the peace and quiet that comes with a long flight because I can sleep or read or listen and not be distracted by BUSINESS and VEGAS.  Text all you want, Snapchat pics of you and your BFFs on the way to VEGAAAAASSS, e-mail “Mike”, just don’t let me hear your conversation.

Delta released a statement saying that when the FCC ban on electronics is lifted officially they “will move quickly to enable customers to use text, email and other silent data transmission services gate to gate.”